Are You Offended?

Recently, I offended someone.  I hope it goes without saying that this was very much NOT what I had intended. In fact, the very same action elicited a ‘thank you’ from somebody else. Nevertheless, someone was offended by something I did.  And that’s not OK.  I felt terrible.  I stewed over it. I analysed it. I apologised. But still, I feel bad.

‍That feeling of guilt will ease over time but whenever I come across this person in future I will be reminded of the fact that something I did had offended her. I will wonder too if she feels cross the next time she sees me or whether she will forgive and forget.  I will likely never know.

But it got me thinking.

My mum has a saying “You can never give offence, you can only take it.” I subscribe to quite a few of my mum’s sayings but I wonder if this one is maybe not 100% true. The lady in question took offence at something I did but I can’t pass the blame onto her. I caused it. I have to own it. And then I need to move on.  I have apologised and neither I nor anyone else will benefit from my continuing to go over and over things in my head.

But maybe, for my own sanity, I also need to reframe things a little.  Yes, I did something that generated a negative emotion in her and I obviously breached her values, and I’m enormously sorry for that. What I can never know is what other factors caused this lady to react exactly the way she did. Perhaps she’d had a terrible day, perhaps she’d had bad news, perhaps she misunderstood my intention or maybe she just doesn’t like me that much. Whatever it is, I need to understand that offence is a two-way street – you can give it and you can take it but it will always form part of an interaction in which we can only ever control our own actions and never the reactions of others.I shall move forward.

I shall think twice (maybe even thrice) before I act in future so that I lessen any chance that any upset is caused and I shall learn from what happened.

‍Is that enough?  Should I have done more? What do you think?